Your Kid's a Brat and It's All Your Fault by Elaine Rose Glickman

Author:Elaine Rose Glickman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2016-05-12T10:14:12+00:00

YOUR KID WON’T DO HIS HOMEWORK

This is one of my husband’s favorite jokes:

Leonard wakes up sulky and refuses to get out of bed. “Leonard!” his mother cries, aflutter and anxious. “You must get out of bed!”

Leonard turns to face the wall. “Why?”

“Why? Because you have to go to school!”

“I hate school! The teachers are mean, the kids are mean, and nobody likes me.”

“Still, Leonard, you must go to school!”

“Why?”

“Why? Because, Leonard—you’re the principal!”

Isn’t that the best joke? And doesn’t it remind you of the fun hours you and your kid are spending together these days?

“I don’t want to do homework! It’s stupid, it’s hard, and it ruins the entire night!”

“Still, you must do homework!”

“Why?”

“Why? Because—you’re the parent!”

How did this happen, anyway? You finished elementary school a while ago, right? (Actually, a really long while ago, but let’s not think about that; it gets depressing.) You’ve probably earned at least one diploma since then, you’ve almost stopped having those anxiety dreams where you walk into a class you’ve never attended before and are presented with a test you can’t comprehend, and you are totally over carrying thirty pounds of textbooks on your back while trying to look fetching and carefree every time Greg Tharp passes you in the hallway (wait, that was me). So why are you stressing out about fourth grade homework every single night?

Because your kid is completely stressed out, of course! He’s overwhelmed with homework, and who can blame him? He works hard all day at school, then comes home exhausted, needing to relax and recharge in the bosom of his loving family—but instead faces a mountain of math problems, endless sheets of language arts exercises, a chapter book, and who knows what else. He’s cranky, he’s fussy, he’s unable to focus on his assignments—and he needs you by his side, soothing and comforting and offering a constant stream of encouragement and hints and tips on Staying Calm and You Can Do It and Keeping Yourself Organized.

Unless, well, maybe not.

Now, I understand some kids are truly overwhelmed by homework. Learning differences that require assistance and interventions, a genuinely bad teacher who somehow expects his students to figure out at home what he was unable to teach coherently in class, accelerated or honors classes that require elementary schoolers to work at the level of middle school students, and two horrible words—science fair—are all occasions for significant parental concern and involvement. But please pardon me for asking if these issues truly apply to your kid. Yes, I hear him saying he’s totally stressed out. I see him getting up in frustration every few minutes from the delightful little workstation you set up on what used to be your dining room table. I recognize that his apparent inability to focus, his procrastination, and his grouching could be signs that he feels besieged by homework and that the resulting pressure and anxiety could be way, way too much for him.

But I have to say that your kid looked pretty happy and engaged at soccer practice this afternoon.

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